Can you be both selfish & nice at the same time?
We don't have to sacrifice ourselves completely to succesfully balance being nice to others while also getting stuff done for ourselves too. More inspiration, guidance and fun within.
Every week there is just more, right? Unless we deliberately take time to say, “No, this week, I will maintain what I’ve got and no more than that”, or even, “I’m going to thin out this week’s tasks so I have time to do things I like doing.”
We can choose to do this, but often we feel pressured not to. Or the idea doesn’t even enter our head that we can control the fire hose of stuff to do that comes at us every day.
Somehow, it feels selfish to do so.
To turn away.
To focus on ourselves.
But there are ways to be healthily selfish, like giving yourself permission to enjoy yourself, even if it doesn’t necessarily help others. It might feel strange, but it’s the only way to stay healthy and well in the long term.
But how? Scroll down to find the section on healthy selfishness, as well as the link to some of the benefits and pitfalls of ‘being nice’.
What if it was good to be selfish?
What if the way we are socially conditioned to think about selfishness is misguided? What if there is great value in cultivating healthy selfishness?
Both Maslow and Fromm held that healthy self-love requires a healthy respect for oneself and one’s boundaries, and affirmation of the importance of one’s own health, growth, happiness, joy, and freedom. Self-actualizing people have healthy boundaries, self-care, and the capacity to enjoy themselves.
Healthy selfishness is defined as having a healthy respect for your own health, growth, happiness, joy, and freedom. And it seems to be a useful idea. Researchers found that healthy selfishness was a strong positive predictor of high self-worth, well-being, and life satisfaction, and was a strong negative predictor of depression. They also found that people who scored higher in healthy selfishness were more likely to care about others.
Find out more about the Healthy Selfishness Scale here.
Putin, Ukraine, and Elon Musk
How are these linked? Fiona Hill gave a fascinating interview drawing these threads together. It was published a month ago, but there are still some great insights here, like how Putin uses emissaries like Musk to short-circuit the diplomatic process.
This is a classic Putin play. It’s just fascinating, of course, that it’s Elon Musk in this instance, because obviously Elon Musk has a huge Twitter following. He’s got a longstanding reputation in Russia through Tesla, the SpaceX space programs and also through Starlink. He’s one of the most popular men in opinion polls in Russia. At the same time, he’s played a very important part in supporting Ukraine by providing Starlink internet systems to Ukraine, and kept telecommunications going in Ukraine, paid for in part by the U.S. government. Elon Musk has enormous leverage as well as incredible prominence. Putin plays the egos of big men, gives them a sense that they can play a role. But in reality, they’re just direct transmitters of messages from Vladimir Putin.
Can you get a full body workout done in 20 minutes?
You know all about how walking is good for you, right? Just 21 minutes.
As well as cardio work, you need to take care of your muscle-skeletal system too, no matter what your age. In fact, it’s looking likely that it becomes more important as you get older.
But, I get it. You’re busy, and cash is tight. You don’t have an hour to spend, let alone get to the gym and back, and pay for a monthly membership.
You don’t have to. Here’s what you can do.
The workout is: Five body weight squats, five push-ups and a 30-second plank — repeated six times, resting for no more than 30 seconds between rounds. If you can’t do a push-up on the floor, do it against a countertop or a stable bench. You can modify the plank by putting your knees on the floor or doing a standing plank by placing your forearms on the wall.
If you want to find out how to warm up safely and some other exercises to do safely and quickly at home to improve your strength, check out this article from the New York Times, which I have made free for readers of Noise Reduction.
What if we could do conflict better?
Life is hard enough. When conflict flares up, often we just want to shut it down and kick it into the long grass to deal with at another time. We are fearful of the escalation that might take place - and sometimes, rightly so. Totally understandable.
But what if there was another way? Instead of trying to eliminate conflict entirely, what if we could try a different approach that reduces the risk of our worst fears coming true? This is called conversational receptiveness. Listen here for more.
How to become a morning person
First, pick your ideal wake-up time
Then, set a bedtime
Don’t hit snooze
Find something fun to do when you wake up
Don’t stress if you wake up in the middle of the night - everyone does
Keep going - making a change in our sleep takes practice.
Get the full details here.
That’s it from me this week. I think I’m mostly recovered from Covid now, but family members are still on and off school and work with all the other respiratory illnesses going around at the moment. Take care of yourselves out there.