A defensive pessimist's approach to life
The optimism vibe doesn't sit completely right for some people. If you've a tendency to look for the traps, defensive pessimism might be where you're at. More guidance, inspiration and fun within.
‘Plan for the worst and hope for the best’ seems to be the life motto of what are known as defensive pessimists.
Here’s how it goes
Defensive pessimists set low expectations for the outcome of a particular situation, and then go through everything that might go wrong to make their worst-case scenario a reality. This then gives the defensive pessimist a plan of action to make sure any potential pitfalls won’t actually happen. For example, a defensive pessimist told that a recession is coming and interest rates will rise, after thinking through all the things that might go wrong, comes up with a plan to pay down debt, save money, earn more, and apply for assistance where available.
What’s super-interesting is that defensive pessimists seem to actually rely on being in a negative mood to come up with their best planning.
The standout difference that distinguishes defensive pessimists from people who just have a tendency to think more negatively, or who are anxious or depressed, is their style of coping. Whereas people might avoid situations when they are feeling depressed or anxious, defensive pessimists use the negative predictions to motivate them to action to feel more prepared and in control of events.
But maybe this isn’t you. Maybe you have an optimistic bias, but like like to get a real about that too. Maybe grounded optimism is where you are at.
Grounded optimism as an alternative posture
When cynicism or pessimism is overwhelming you, grounded optimists focus on what they can control: what they think, what they say, and what they do.
Ask yourself:
What thoughts can I think to help me change this unpleasant situation for the better?
What can I say that can change this unpleasant situation for the better?
What actions can I take that will change this unpleasant situation for the better?
When you work through this exercise, you may go from the realm of paralysed pessimism, or even cynicism, to actively becoming a part of the solution to the problem. Remember that you are a very important and active participant in this world — and that is cause for optimism.
So, focus on what you can control, rather than what you can’t. And recognise that grounded optimism is about recognising the difficulties — rather than positively constructing them away — believing things can get better, and then making them happen.
So what about you? Do you sit more in the defensive pessimism camp, or are you a grounded optimist, taking a hopeful view of life, with a healthy spoon of realism?
Persuasion fatigue: It’s a thing
It’s that time of year: the holiday season is upon us again. With it, many of us grit our teeth in anticipation of dinner-table or christmas party debates. In an era of social disharmony, viral misinformation and pandemic-induced stress, arguing with other people is an invitation to irritation.
Imagine the scene: If you're trying to persuade someone who disagrees with you, you might share information and explain why you think your point of view is right. They dismiss your case. Undeterred, you brush up on the issue and try again, optimistic that more facts will change the other person’s thinking. You restate yourself—maybe more loudly and slowly. But your audience remains indifferent. Sound familiar?
The whole experience may feel like trying to guide someone on a journey when they refuse to follow. They drag their heels, wander off in the wrong direction and throw away the map you made for them. We have coined a term, persuasion fatigue, to describe this unique form of frustration… You might decide to stop talking about that particular issue. You might even cut ties. Indeed, these unresolved debates can contribute to social estrangement and parent-child breakups.
The paper written up in this article makes some interesting points and offers some guidance on how to deal with this situation you may have already found yourself in.
Identify when you start to feel tired. Simply acknowledging your persuasion fatigue as such may help you slow down, take a breath and ask yourself why a discussion has stalled.
Remember that values and feelings underlie thinking. If you don’t feel what someone else feels, it’s difficult to grasp how they think.
Your fatigue may be exacerbated by thinking or assuming that debate is a zero-sum struggle—that you win if, and only if, your opponent loses.
When being forgetful can be good
Can your mind going blank actually be a benefit? To understanding how forgetting can be useful, it's critical to first recognise that a memory is never simply strong or weak. Rather, the ease with which you can recall a memory (its retrieval strength) is different from how fully represented it is in your mind (its storage strength).
The name of your parent, for instance, would be one example of a memory with both high storage and retrieval strength. A phone number you held in your head only momentarily a decade ago could be said to have low storage and retrieval strength. The name of someone you met a party mere minutes ago might have high retrieval but low storage strength. And finally, the lyrics to a song you've sung thousands of times but which stubbornly elude you, as you gaze out from the stage of the Worcester Centrum, would have high storage but distressingly low retrieval strength. Given the right cue, however – if your audience were to feed you the opening lines, for instance – the retrieval strength would snap right back.
This fascinating article outlines a history of our understanding of forgetting, as well as how well-timed forgetting is is part of a group of approaches with "desirable difficulties" at their core: strategies that may initially annoy you, but which eventually yield dividends.
This day in tech history - November 28, 1948: Just in time for the Christmas shopping season, 57 units of the first commercial instant camera, the Polaroid Land Camera Model 95, go on sale in Boston. Polaroid believed that 57 units would be enough last through Christmas. All 57 units and all the film available were sold on the first day.
Sleep better with light exercises before bed
While you most likely want to avoid vigorous exercise in the hour or two before you want to sleep, light exercise can reduce the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep, and reduces the number of times you wake during the night too.
It also increases sleep time and quality. Here is a short routine of 11 moves that can be a calming transition right before bedtime. You don’t have to do them all. pick five and experiment from there. Made free for readers of Noise Reduction via my NY Times subscription.
(I think I miss Prince everyday. I saw him perform live a few times - nothing can compare.)
That’s it from me for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed the selection of articles, links and insights this week. What did you think of this issue?
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I am definitely a defensive pessimist, it’s served me well and not so well in life generally. Maybe because my long term partner is very much a grounded optimistic soul. We are literally are chalk and cheese, sadly I’m the chalk. Can one be both optimistic and pessimistic?
I have definitely been on a journey towards leaving some of my defensive pessimism behind and find that folk around me really appreciate that!. I guess I have a foot in both camps as some of my optimism may be a bit superficial!